16/1/2000
St.Thomas, Parish of Stoke Climsland
Rev. J.G. Merriman
Notes:
Smelled of hair-tonic. Apricots.
23/1/2000
St. John Chrysostom, Parish of Iwerne Courtney
Rev. Derek Greenaway-Robbins
Notes:
Tweed and tobbaco. Delightful!
6/2/2000
St. Barnabas, Parish of Tuckingmill.
Rev. A.J.P. Pupkin
(Only the curate, worse luck! Still, better than nothing.)
13/2/2000
St. George, Parish of Bodmin with Lanhydrock
Rev. Simon Trelawney
Notes:
Rugby-player. (Muscular Christianity! :) ) Smelled of open moors. To die for!
20/2/2000
St. Barnabas, Parish of Tuckingmill (return)
Rev. Walter Thorburn
Notes:
Glad I came back here! Hugged him after church & inhaled as long as I dared.
Can't describe smell - just the very essence of the ecclesiastical smell -
plus something else can't define - Johnson's baby-oil? Must return.
27/2/2000
St. Guthlac's, Halsetown
Rev. Cedric Nimmo
Notes:
Parma violets?
5/3/2000
Holy Trinity at St. Michael Penkevil
Rev. G.R.R. Molineaux
Notes:
Rather High Church. Smelled of incense.
12/3/2000
St. Winnifred's, Stansted Mountfitchet
Rev. Oliver Gifford
Notes:
Smelled a bit like an old paperback. Nice.
26/3/2000
St. Mary's at Herodsfoot
Rev. Thomas Beamish-Turvey.
Dog-hairs. Varnish. Worth a sniff if you're in the area.
2/4/2000
St. Dunstan with Emmanuel at Baldock
Rev. Timothy Allsop
Notes:
Think he eats liquorice-and-blackcurrant
16/4/2000
St. Anne's, parish of Potton with Sutton and Cockayne Hatley
Rev. J.G.W. Proudfoot
Notes:
Talc and mothballs.
23/4/2000
St. Cosmus and St. Damien in the Blean
Rev. Richard Kippax
Notes:
Calvin Klein's Obsession. Yuk.
30/4/2000
Saint Barnabas, Tuckingmill
Rev. Walter Thorburn
Notes:
Disaster. Mistake to go back. Had a heavy cold and couldn't smell a thing. Dosed myself up
with flu medication, but it made me light-headed without unblocking my nose.
Outside church Reverend Walter remembered me from last time and backed off,
reluctant for a repeat performance of the hug,
but dopey with the flu stuff I threw my arms around him and snuffled away trying desperately
to catch a whiff. Oh, the shame. Must have thought I was drunk. Can never go back.
7/5/2000
St. George, Parish of Bodmin with Lanhydrock
Rev. Simon Trelawney
Notes:
Consoled myself for last week's debacle by revisiting Reverend Simon. Heavenly!
14/5/2000
St. Peter's at Stithians with Perrar-an-Worthal
Rev. Wilfred Greatorex
Delightfully dusty. Hairpiece adhesive. Peppermints.
21/5/2000
Saint Barnabas, Tuckingmill
Rev. Walter Thorburn
Notes:
A complete success! Waited till everyone had gone then knocked at vicarage door and asked for
help starting my car. He seemed wary at first but Christian charity won out. I had the
chloroform ready and let him have it as he bent over the engine. Dragged him into the bushes
and sniffed away to my heart's content. Oh, if only I could bottle it! As a substitute
I swabbed his neck with cotton wool and took a piece of his dog collar. Probably best not to go back
for a while.
28/5/2000
St. Archibald's Kirk, Inverness
Rev. Alastair Craigsmuir
Notes:
Rather old. Smelled like damp wallpaper and cat's pee. Disappointing.
2/6/2000
Saint Barnabas, Tuckingmill
Rev. Walter Thorburn
Notes:
Returned heavily disguised and pretended to be writing book on English parish churches.
As he was showing me the rood screen I hit him with a sap. Dragged him into the chancel
and wallowed. Disturbed by verger. Fled. Pursued by verger on motorcycle, drove Morris
Minor off humpbacked-bridge into river. I don't care.
25/6/2000
Rev. Jim Collinghurst
Chaplain, Winchester Women's Prison
Notes:
Like cucumbers and jelly-beans. Yummy!