Recently something very horrible happened to me: I was forced to get a job.
While this is not an entirely new phenomenon for me - indeed it occurs with the same regularity, frequency, and duration as an appearance of one of the friskier comets - so much time has elapsed since I was last stricken with work that I had very nearly forgotten exactly how horrible it is. I don't know how you all stand it day in and day out. It has been two days as I write and already I am going off my chump. Clearly mankind is going to have to stamp out the evil of work at some point. It should be a relatively simple matter to provide everyone at birth with some sort of genetically engineered slave creature to go out and labour on your behalf and then come home and wipe the toast crumbs off you.
I won't burden you with the details of my current hell, because you would cry on my behalf. Suffice it to say that it's something monotonous and repetitive that any half-bright gibbon could perform, except that a trained gibbon could easily command better wages. Naturally I am keen to rectify this hideous state of affairs as soon as possible.
If anyone has any use for me in a writerly capacity, or indeed can think of anything else for me to do that is relatively non-strenuous and amusing, please contact me at michaelhoratiokelly2004@hotmail.com
Be warned that prospective employers will be vetted thoroughly. I am particularly keen to secure a boss who will be nice to me and not shout at me no matter what provocation I offer in the way of incompetence. Anything considered. Imaginative crime not objected to.