Blair in Africa
Blair sorting out problems of Africa!
Typical noise-over-substance/lies/misdirection/mugging by night, decrying mugging by day
If really want to help Africa, you unholy turd:
1.Why the f did he privatize the Commonwealth Development Corporation?
2. Stop arms sales to Africa. Stop giving knighthoods to and taking donations from arms sellers.
(ref Middle East. 'Must have peace' yah de yah da meanwhile selling arms both sides.)
3. Stop imposing globalization - knee-jerk privatization, reducing spending on public health and services, asset-stripping by corporations, end of environment protection.
4. Sort out pharmaceutical companies (instead of giving them ridiculous tax breaks)
5. Die
(Digression: offensive to link Afr. poverty to terrorism. Sep 11 terrorists middle-class fuck-offs, & no-one malnourished N. Ireland.)
Blair - a man who, by his own admission, pushes working-class children down manholes (NB check this)
Ludicrousness of it
It's touching - everything the man touches turns to shit, yet he still somehow manages to see himself as a messianic figure
England becoming shit-hole - meanwhile traipsing off to poke sanctimonious schnozz in others problems. Transport, NHS, Brit crime too dull and petty for great man to tackle
Hilarious, actually - can't sort out Brit problems (making worse), going to advise Afs
Do Blair meeting African leaders, changing subject at embarrassing questions:
'Thank God you are here to help us, Mr. Blair. (Great Bwana Blair? Great white father from over the seas?) Keen to develop my country's infrastructure. Tell us how you get Britain's transport system running efficiently.'
'Er...oh, look at that over there! What a lovely rug...'
'Keen to bring health care to my people. Tell me about the NHS.'
'Er...oh, is that the time? Sorry, I have to be going...another country to save, you know...'
Or:
'We are learning from you, Mr. Blair. Developing agriculture by letting farmers go bankrupt and slaughtering millions of healthy cattle.' etc.
Piss off to Africa, then, and bloody stay there
Africans should treat Blair as they have other missionaries - boil him in a pot and eat him (qy? offensive? - Nah.)
Bush 'Axis of Evil' Speech
Lead off gung-ho. 'MKPoM not squeamish about killing people disapprove of. Indeed, there are days when I think of little else.'
However, query wisdom of picking fight with absolutely bloody everyone at once. Compare bar-room brawl. (Go for small ones first and hope mates & bystanders tackle big buggers. Never hit anyone either (a) over 5'3" in height or (b) conscious. Ladies' toilets ploy.)
About time ghastly Iraqian person (check name) bit the dust. However, thought Iran was liberalizing these days? And Koreans? Happy-go-lucky atheists like the rest of us. Eat the occasional dog and that's about it.*
Western nations's development weaps. mass. destruct.?
No China? Saudi Arabia? (but contradicts 'dont pick ft with everyone')
Some must be feeling hurt at being left out
Gadaffi on phone to agent:
'Why didn't I make the top three? I'm far more evil than Korea. Who the fuck is Korea?'
'Relax, Mo baby, you're still in the top ten.' 'The turd of Allah's camel on the top ten!
I want to be in the Big Three! The Axis! I'm not even Number Four! Look who's Number Four!
Somalia! Jesus! I'm worse than Somalia in my sleep! You know why
it is - they had a film. Somalia had Black Hawk Down and Korea had MASH - why can't
you get me a film? Get me a Bond film, a cameo villain in The West Wing, anything.
You're not pushing me. Korea - Jesus. They eat dogs. Big deal. I eat sheeps' brains.
I'll eat dogs, if that's what it takes. And Iran - Iran hasn't done shit for ten years!
I know what it is - it's still that Rushdie Fatwa thing. That was a genius stroke. Why
can't you think of a stunt like that? I could have been a contender...You never looked
after me, Charlie...' 'You can't issue Fatwahs, Mo, you're a secular leader.' 'I don't
care! I'm starting now! I'm issuing a Fatwah against J.K. Rowling. Satanic trash! Burn
every copy of Harry Potter you can lay your hands on.'
'That's been done to death by Southern Baptists.' 'All right then...John Grisham! I bloody
hated The Pelican Brief. Bring me the head of John Grisham! And his dog! I'll eat
John Grisham's dog's brains live on CNN. That'll show them...'
NB Make...better
Work in ref. to J. Hendrix 'Axis: Bold as Love'??
How?? And further, why??
Dunno. Bloody good album, though
[*'Private Eye' has just pointed out that until February Donald Rumsfeld was on the board of a company that sold equipment for nuclear reactors to be built in North Korea]
The Dome Robbers
200 police waiting in ambush - why don't they tackle street crime?
18 year sentences too long
Stuff an old woman through a laminating machine and you get 18 hours community service
(And how do the little bastards afford laminating machines?)
Country going to bow-wows
Getaway boat-driver impoverished fisherman who owed mastermind money:
Blame EEC fishing quotas - Spanish Fleet - 'Whore of the Sea'
Like old films of innocent led astray:
Very film noir. Naive down-on-his-luck fisherman (Edward G. Robinson) owes money to Mr. Big (Bogart in slimey mode). Cap-in-hand scene in nightclub office: 'I just need a few more weeks...These new factory trawlers...' Arm round shoulder, brilliant grin. 'Have a cigar. I like you, kid. You and me, we're proud men, right? Don't worry about the money, we'll work something out...' Sics a flashy blonde on him to reel him in. They dance, he stands on her feet. 'Sorry, it's these gumboots...not very manouevrable...boy, you're pretty.' She turns mushy and starts to fall for him: 'I won't do it, I tell you! The poor sap...the way he looks at me...he said I had eyes like a tuna. No-one ever said that to me before.' 'Whaddaya, turning soft on me?' Eddie G roped in as getaway boat-man for robbery then set up as fall guy. 'Caged, caged like a tinned sardine...'
Life of robbery much preferable to being bloody filing clerk
Girls Who Refuse To Go Out With Filing Clerks
Really tear into them