Michael Kelly's Page of Misery

Content not suitable for under-18s
Some pieces contain vulgarity and the occasional swear-word

Sauce! Reader Lizzy reckons The Onion have ripped me off (erm, after I copied their schtick for the original bit, that is). You be the judge.

I'm not that serious about this. I assume it's coincidence and they've never read mine. They don't need to steal. (Unless the original Onion team have become too rich and grand to write and have started subcontracting to chancing hacks.) It would be like Roman Abramovich mugging a market-stall trader: outrageous if true, but highly unlikely.

(Mind you, that's exactly the sort of thing I'd do if I was Abramovitch. I was thinking the other day, if I ever became rich and famous - in my line of work, I suppose that would mean a freakish JK Rowling level of success - it would be really fun to go round committing a series of completely pointless crimes, just because no-one would ever believe it was me. Hold up off-licenses and post-offices and so on. 'JK Rowling pointed a shotgun in my face and told me to hand over my takings.' 'The raider looked like JK Rowling?' 'No, no, it really was JK Rowling.' 'Piss off.' 'Really, it was her, she told me a story while she was tying me up.' I bet she does. You would have to, just to have some sort of private life the public couldn't get at.

But I digress.)

(There'd be a really great confrontation scene if the police ever got up the nerve to question her. 'Are you suggesting, Inspector, that I have built up a respectable persona as a beloved multi-millionaire children's author and philanthropist solely in order to be able to pull off a daring series of post-office blags?' 'Well... you might.')

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Updated a bit April? something, if you're British

PS I have a new book coming out soon, with a proper publisher and everything, hooray!
Check back in June or July for details
Call me Michael "Two Books" Kelly